Lost
by Kokis
Summary: Raido isn't very good at dealing with Genma's death...


I DO NOT own any of those amazing characters I write about. Kishimoto does... grrr

I woke up with the undying lust to kill somethign and this is te result! Enjoy!

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Raido dont believe that Genma is gone.

Sometimes he can see him slouching in his favourite armchair in the staffroom thoughtfully chewing on his senbon, lighting up giving Raido one of his wolfish grins as he passed by. And Raido almost reached out a hand to whip the backwards tied bandana of his head on his way to the coffepitcher.

Sometimes he can feel his precense linger in his apartment, watching from behind. His gaze itching in Raidos neck but if he would turn around he wouldn't be there. He never is.

He cant stand the way pople stare at him. Pitying him. So he tells himself they stare because of his burnmark-deformed face. They have always been staring at that.

Some nights he dreams about Genma. About pleading honey-eyes an bloodied hands reaching out towards him."_Dont leave me Raido. Come with me..." _The hands always fade away before he has the chance to grab them. He dont understand that dream. Genma is lying here, close beside him. He can feel his warm breath tickle the back of his neck.

Raido's two chunin-friends Izumo and Kotetsu cried once, entagled in eachother. They did everything simultaneously. Why were they behaving like that? It's not like someone has died... Raido haven't cried.

He dont spend much time out with his friends anymore. Kotetsu are having troubles with gettin him out of the apartment so he tries to come inside instead for a cup of tea and some smalltalk or something but mostly Raido turns down the offer of company. He preferrs being at home alone with Genma. Kotetsu looks hurt when he leave. Hurt, not sad.

The family shrine has been taken in use again after many years of collecting dust in a corner. Raido used to think he had no time for dealing with the past but now he more often finds himself lighting a candle and some insence he bought recently for whatever reason just watchng the little warming flame and light smoke lazily drift up towards the ceiling. Genma is there too, they watch it together. Raido is leaning back into Genma's embrace and Genma is rocking them both into a warm and peaceful dizziness. Raido still feel cold.

Raido is out taking a sprint around the village sometimes early in the mornings when noone else is up. Last time he found himself stopping by at the memorial. Watching his whitehaired collegue bow and place an offering at the stone he thought he was ridiculous. _Leave the dead alone. _Before he left the other man for himself with his memories his eyes flickered across the shine surface stopping for something familiar. Shiranui. Genmas family. They died in the fire that had burned down nearly half of the village some years ago. He absently scratched his cheek and scooted off among the trees again.

That night he lit a candle on the shrine as usual, waiting for Genma to come and hold him. But Genma never came. Raido couldn't even feel his presence any longer. It was just dark, the candle didn't suffice to light up enough of the room to feel comfortable anymore. And it felt cold, like all life had left the building leaving emptiness in it's wake. He could almost hear the walls whisper to him just like that vioce in his dreams, _come to me... _It was scary and uncanny. It felt so very wrong. And so very very lonely.

Raido cried that night. He cried himself sick til the candle had burned out and the apartment was covered in a suffocating darkness. And he dreamed, of pleading honey-eyes and bloodied hands. And he knew, that among the countless other names, among the names of his family there was a new one carved in just recently. It said Shiranui Genma. His Genma.

When Kotetsu came the next morning to drag his old friend out for some fresh air he found the door unlocked. And he found the apartment empty. Neatly cleaned up and fixed. Raidos things were gone, there was no sign of someone ever living there.

Raido is gone too.

No one knows where he is. Some say he's dead, couldn't deal with life any other way. Some say he's joined Genma. They were never meant to be apart. Some believe he ran off, to start up a new life elsewhere without all the looks of pity and all the memories that lingers here.

Kotetsu thinks he knows where he is. They used to have a special place the four of them... But he wont tell, not even to Izumo. That would make it real.

Kotetsu dont believe both his friends are gone.

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Leave a comment and you will be my hero!


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